Counterfeit Kindness

(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

During the holiday season, we run a high risk of counterfeiting kindness with manipulation.

In Galatians 5:22–23 (NLT) God assures us, “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” if we “follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives” (Gal. 5:25 NLT). The fruit of the Spirit encompasses the distinctiveness of God. No human plantation can create a vineyard such as His. God is the divine husbandman. He plants the vine and prunes it precisely to produce the fruit He wants. This fruit completes His portrait so the watching world can see a glimpse of Christ through our lives.

In this current series of blog posts we are assessing the fruit God wishes to produce through His Spirit. But in our desire for independence we attempt to counterfeit God’s fruit with our own design. Desiring all He has for us but not willing to give all we are to Him, we endeavor to circumvent His plan by producing our fruit of the flesh. Our miserable efforts culminate in disastrous results: emptiness, futility, turmoil, and frustration to name a few. Obtaining an education as a fruit inspector will prepare us to distinguish between the authentic fruit of the Spirit and the counterfeit fruit of the flesh.

Kindness > Manipulation > Anger
Kindness is the fruit of the Holy Spirit that enables us to show God’s love. Since love is distinguished by how it treats others, then kindness is the essence of that treatment. When the fruit of the Spirit evidences kindness, it ministers sacrificially to the needs of others for no higher reason than to benefit another for God’s glory. It is seeking another’s best interest, not about getting what we want. Sacrificial giving is impossible to manufacture. It can only come as a fruit of God’s Spirit in our lives. To surrender to the best interest of another moves in opposition to the very nature of our fleshly desire to promote and preserve self. Although we may appear altruistic, too often our actions are for a personal secondary gain.

Kindness is the means through which God transmits His love and goodwill to those in need. As we, by the power of the Holy Spirit, share kindness to others we are in essence giving them the very nature of God’s love. The vital riches of God flow through kindness as it touches the needs of the heart.

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. (Eph. 2:4–7 NLT)

As a counterfeit, manipulation is the process of managing people, posturing into a position, and utilizing possessions as a means of achieving control. The objective of manipulation is to bring life resources (people, positions, possessions) under our domain of influence to promote our personal agenda, leading to what we believe will make us complete. Webster’s defines manipulate as “to manage or utilize skillfully; to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.” Although manipulation is negative in intent, it may not always appear harmful.

We constantly swing between feeling in and out of control, drained by the stressors of manipulative living. Only for short intervals of time do we feel secure with the control fostered. Repeatedly we find ourselves hurt as a result of our attempts to manipulate others by producing kindness from our own resources. A downward spiral of anger, resentment, bitterness, and hate is produced because we did not receive the anticipated response as we look to others for our love, significance, and security. We desire affirmation for our efforts that have depleted our resources. Anger rises up within us in response to our thwarted efforts and is the indication that our expectations have not been met. Believing ourselves to have been devalued, we are left with hurt feelings. We fear we will never be satisfied and view the delinquent response to our manipulative efforts as depriving us of what is rightfully ours. We feel angry.

If we truly give from the overflow of kindness the Holy Spirit produces in our lives, the abundant supply would never run dry. Furthermore, because we are enjoying the Spirit’s fruit, we no longer need to look to others for our love, significance, and security. We are complete in Christ. We can be free from the bondage of requiring constant affirmation to feel good about ourselves. If you find yourself experiencing the symptom of anger, consider what means of manipulation you may be employing to counterfeit God’s fruit of kindness.

So how do we evidence God’s kindness that the Holy Spirit instills in our lives? To show God’s love we must give up our manipulation that results in anger. Colossians 3:12 reminds us again that we are to put on the garments His love has graciously supplied to us so we may share with others: “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” (NLT)

Insight Journal:
During the holiday season where can you see yourself falling into manipulation instead of allowing God's gift of kindness to pervade?