"Come on over for dinner."

In chapter 3 of Desperate Dependency: Finding Christ Relevant to Every Area of Life, the Insight Journal asks you to consider various scenarios when a situation would be ministry (seeking your best interest) versus when it would be manipulation (seeking my best interest). What do you think about this one?

Rachel sat in small group on Sunday morning musing over each couple around her. Who should she invite to come over for dinner on Saturday night? It had been a long time since she and Jake had invited anyone to come over because they had been working so diligently on remodeling their kitchen. What a chore that had been!

It was terribly obvious that the kitchen cabinets had seen better days. Her children had scratched and scarred them with a variety of toys. The laminate counter tops betrayed the many times that Rachel was less than proficient in the kitchen. The linoleum looked like it was a hundred years old! Sharpie markers added memorable graffiti! The stove still had those stupid coils and the drip pans were rusted. Rachel had imagined the pride she would feel if she could produce ice to serve with a cold drink without having to dig in the ice trays of the freezer! And finally, that opportunity could be realized!

Matt and Leah graciously hosted a party at their house last summer. It was a fun time as everyone gathered in the yard enjoying hotdogs and hamburgers. Each person brought their own lawn chairs and enjoyed the lightening bugs at twilight. The guys swapped grilling secrets and the ladies shared the latest escapades of their children. Even though the evening chill threatened to end the gathering, no one wanted to go home because the relaxation and camaraderie were so refreshing.

“Let’s invite Matt and Leah to come over for dinner on Saturday night,” Rachel proposed.

“Sounds like a good idea. Let’s do it,” Jake agreed.

Rachel bordered on having a panic attack all through the week as she prepared for Saturday’s company. She wanted every detail to be perfect. Not only did every thing have to be in its perfect place in the renovated kitchen, but the meal had to be perfect too! Sunday morning’s small group discussion would hopefully be all about Leah’s rave reviews of their time together. How exciting it would be if everyone wanted to come and see Rachel’s amazing new kitchen and enjoy the delicacies that she could now create! That stay-at-home-mom stigma would be erased forever!

So, what do you think? Was Rachel exhibiting the Holy Spirit’s fruit of kindness or was she manipulating?

Can you think of another example when kindness was counterfeited with manipulation? We’d love to hear your story. Send it to contact@desperatedependency.com.

Click here for a more complete elaboration on the topic of counterfeit kindness or visit WinePress Bookstore for a copy of Desperate Dependency: Finding Christ Relevant to Every Area of Life by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis.