Healthy Grief

CONSIDER
As we adjust and reorganize our lives based on a loss, there are two avenues we may take. We may fall into toxic grief, or we may choose healthy grief. Healthy grief views loss from the perspective of God’s truths. A previously toxic scenario can result in praise and earnest expectation: “I lost my job because I stood for what is right; God promises He will supply my every need (Phil. 4:19); God declares He will never leave me or forsake me (Heb. 13:5); He knows the plans He has for me (Jer. 29:11); I can trust God (Ps. 28:7).”

BIBLE TRUTH

The LORD is my strength and shield.
      I trust him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
      I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. (Ps. 28:7 NLT)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
Grief issues span the spectrum of what might be considered insignificant to some through extreme crisis situations. It is the essence of grief to coexist with what we cannot control, and it is essential that we are content in Christ while coexisting with what we can’t control. The intensity of the grief often reveals the value an individual has placed on a person, position, or possession. In the resolution of grief it is imperative to recognize Christ as relevant to every situation we encounter. “How does God expect me to adjust my life based on this loss and remembering His love, care, and trustworthiness?”

PRAYER
Lord, You know the plans You have for me. I choose to trust You that they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give me a future and a hope. . . . (Jer. 29:11 NLT)


(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

We would love for you to POST A COMMENT about the insights you have received on your journey toward desperate dependency.

Toxic Grief

CONSIDER
Perhaps you must accept that your expectation will not be met. Grief may result. Grieving is the process of adjusting your life because something is lost. As we adjust and reorganize our lives based on a loss, we may fall into toxic grief. Toxic grief results when we adjust our lives based on lies. Our choices are poisoned by the deception we accept as truth.

BIBLE TRUTH

“Blessed are you who hunger now,
      for you will be satisfied.
      Blessed are you who weep now,
      for you will laugh.” (Luke 6:21 NIV)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
The downward spiral of toxic grief may resemble this scenario: “I lost my job; I have no way to support my family; I am worthless; we won’t have any food; our house will go into foreclosure; we will be on the streets at Christmastime; my life is over.”

PRAYER
God, I know you do not want me to be sad like other people who have no hope. I know You bless those who mourn. Please comfort me. . . . (1 Thess. 4:13, Matt. 5:4)


(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

We would love for you to POST A COMMENT about the insights you have received on your journey toward desperate dependency.

Sacrifice Expectations

CONSIDER
Since you are not God, you do not have a right to have all your expectations met. Can you accept that? Unfortunately, this is the point where we often get stuck. We maintain our anger and live in bitterness for hours, days, months, and even years because our expectation was not realized. The only recourse to resolve the anger and bitterness is to ask for forgiveness and forgive the debt.

BIBLE TRUTH

The Lord always keeps his promises;
      he is gracious in all he does.
The Lord helps the fallen
      and lifts those bent beneath their loads.
The eyes of all look to you in hope;
      you give them their food as they need it.
When you open your hand,
      you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in everything he does;
      he is filled with kindness. (Ps. 145:13–17 NLT)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
The International Children’s Bible translates Psalm 4:4–5, “When you are angry, do not sin. Think about these things quietly as you go to bed. Do what is right as a sacrifice to the Lord. And trust the Lord.” Too often I find it is not easy to think about the things I am angry about quietly as I go to bed. In my muttering and sputtering I am reminded that I must do what is right. Doing what is right requires me to offer up everything to the Lord as a sacrifice. It cannot be mine any longer. I must give all my rights and expectations to Him. How in the world can I do that? I must trust the Lord. At the end of the day all outcomes are His responsibility. Can I trust Him? Will you trust Him?

PRAYER
Lord, I do not want to sin when I am angry. Instead I want to think about these things quietly as I go to bed. Please help me to do what is right as a sacrifice to You. I trust You, Lord. . . . (Ps. 4:4–5)


(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

We would love for you to POST A COMMENT about the insights you have received on your journey toward desperate dependency.

You Owe Me

CONSIDER
Apart from God we have no rights. Apart from His way we can have no peace. In our own strength, life will never be what we want. We are incapable without Him. Therefore with repentant hearts, we must submit ourselves to His plan and allow Him to direct every path.

BIBLE TRUTH

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. (Prov. 3:5–6 NKJV)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
As a result of believing someone has not measured up to our expectations, we are convinced that they owe us something. This is where our anger can become sinful, because God is the only one who has a right to anything. They do not owe us; they owe God. If we are merely expecting to have our selfish ambitions satisfied, we are sinful. With repentant hearts we must say, “I am sorry I expected you to __________. Will you please forgive me for being unrealistic and inappropriate in my expectation?”

PRAYER
Lord, You are merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are good to everyone. You shower compassion on all Your creation. All of your works will thank You, Lord and Your faithful followers will praise You. I thank You and I praise You. . . . (Ps. 145:8–10)


(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

We would love for you to POST A COMMENT about the insights you have received on your journey toward desperate dependency.

Stuck in the Muck

CONSIDER
Too often we are stuck in our anger and ruminate on the offenses until they fester in our souls. As we consider the impact on an individual, we can recognize there is a transgression progression that begins with unmet expectations resulting in frustration, hurt, and anger. A transgression that results in anger may move to resentment and progress to bitterness. Yielding to the temptation, we shift to demanding satisfaction and seeking revenge. Because we cannot achieve satisfaction, the situation may degenerate into hatred.

BIBLE TRUTH

But anyone who hates another brother or sister is still living and walking in darkness. Such a person does not know the way to go, having been blinded by the darkness. (1 John 2:11 NLT)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
Anger is a God-given emotion to address unmet expectations. When anger begins to arise we must ask, “What did I expect?” Often just identifying our expectations can assist in determining how to proceed. Was it a personal expectation, or was it God’s expectation? Most of the time, we must admit that personal expectations arouse our anger. We wanted our way, and events did not occur as we expected. Our self-centered sense of entitlement convinces us we must have everything we want.

Then we must ask, “Was it realistic and appropriate to expect?” When we conclude that our expectation has not been realistic or appropriate, then we must adjust our expectations. With the realization that I have fallen short in my expectations, I must ask for forgiveness and forgive the debt.


PRAYER
Jesus, I know that You say, “Love your enemies!” I know that You say, “Pray for those who persecute you!” I desire to act like a true child of my Father in heaven in this way. You give Your sunlight to both the evil and the good. You send rain on the just and the unjust alike. If I love only those who love me, what reward is there for that? Anybody can do that. If I am kind only to my friends, how am I different from anyone else? Anybody can do that. . . . (Matt. 5:44–47)



(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

We would love for you to POST A COMMENT about the insights you have received on your journey toward desperate dependency.

The Conundrum of Anger

CONSIDER
It seems apparent that there are times we can be angry and sinful, but there can also be times we can be angry without being sinful. So what is the difference?

BIBLE TRUTH

"The Lord your God, who lives among you, is a jealous God. His anger will flare up against you, and he will wipe you from the face of the earth." (Deut. 6:15 NLT)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
God can be jealous because He has no rival! In like fashion, God can be angry and not sinful because He is the only one who has a right to expect anything! Since He is God, He created the world and all that is in it. He established the order of all that is. Therefore, He knows exactly what to expect and has every right to expect things to go according to His blueprint.

Anger is a God-given emotion designed to assist in addressing issues. We get angry as the result of unmet expectations. Something we expected to happen did not occur. Our anger is not sinful when we expect the same things God expects. Sin enters the scenario when we expect our self-centered expectations to be met. As Creator and Sustainer, God is justified in having His expectations met. However, because I am not God, I have no right to demand that my expectations be fulfilled. When we assert that our way must be followed, we are usurping God and elevating ourselves above His position. This idolatry is sin, and the anger that results from expecting to get our own way is also sin.


PRAYER
God, Sometimes it is difficult, but I do not want to become conceited or provoke others. Help me not to be jealous of others either. . . . (Gal. 5:26)



(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

We would love for you to POST A COMMENT about the insights you have received on your journey toward desperate dependency.

My Way or His Will?

CONSIDER
Unfortunately, all too often we lose sight of the treasures God has in store for us, and we continue to search for trinkets we perceive to be valuable. While we work against what God wants to do in our lives, we continue to assert our way over His will. Gratefully, God installed a warning system that can be used to determine when things are not going as expected. Anger is evidenced when either God’s expectations are being violated or when my personal expectations are being violated.

BIBLE TRUTH

In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” (Gen. 4:3–7 ESV)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
Psalm 4:4 sheds some more light on the topic: “Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” This passage is reiterated in the New Testament: “In your anger do not sin” (Eph. 4:26 NIV). Verse 27 emphasizes the reason why we should not let anger control us: “for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Since I really do not want the devil to have a foothold in my life, I must be diligently cautious to make sure God is in control of my anger, not I.

PRAYER
Dear God, I know that now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. I don’t want to lie to anyone. I desire to live a life that has stripped off my old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Please enable me and encourage me to put on my new nature so I may be renewed as I learn to know my Creator and become like You. . . . (Col. 3:8–10)



(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

We would love for you to POST A COMMENT about the insights you have received on your journey toward desperate dependency.