Christ Is Relevant to Intimacy

The holiday season brings wishes of intimate gatherings and romantic gift exchanges. Do you struggle with intimacy? When you think of the word “intimacy” is a three-letter word the first and only thing that comes to your mind? God designed us to be intimate beings as our connection with others reflects His connection with us.

Intimacy is the concert of souls in communion with God as they connect within the context of God’s plan to achieve God’s purpose with each other. From the very beginning God created man as an intimate being representative of Himself.

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Gen. 1:26–27 ESV)

“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone…’” (Gen. 2:18 ESV). According to Theological Word Book of the Old Testament, the core concept is that it was not good for man “to be separate and isolated.” God created man to associate with all the beasts of the field but he could only be intimate with those of his own essence. Some have taken this passage to justify relational dependency, giving credence to a Christian hybrid of enmeshment between husband and wife in place of intimacy. “I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18 ESV) does not translate into man becoming complete because of the marriage relationship, rather that through marital companionship God would spawn into being the human race.

Marital companionship is certainly a fit context for interpersonal intimacy, but it is not capable of producing personal completion, nor was it ever designed for such a task. Note what happened between man and women as they disconnected from a primary intimacy with God.

At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the LORD God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the LORD God among the trees. Then the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?” He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.” “Who told you that you were naked?” the LORD God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?” The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” Then the LORD God asked the woman, “What have you done?” “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.” (Gen. 3:7–13 NIV).

Here is a summary of the impact Adam and Eve instigated when seeking completion apart from God:

•Shame in response to exposure and vulnerability
•Compulsion to avoid being transparent
•Compulsion to hide from God
•Reverence for God changed into a fear of God
•Primary communion with God became a prime contempt for God
•Companionship was forfeited for control
•Adam compelled to blame Eve
•Eve compelled to rule over Adam

The abiding experience of intimacy was exchanged for a continuous effort to control intimacy, as intimacy now came to be seen as dangerous, something to be exploited and managed. The compulsion to connect was lost to a determination to govern through the dictates of selfish ambition.

Selfish ambition is the great enemy of intimacy. Most when considering the need for intimacy conceptualize it as getting for oneself something they do not have in order to make them more than they are. The anticipation of getting eclipses the notion of giving to another. Few people view the construct of intimacy as oneness experienced within a context of mutual sharing.

Selfish ambition undermines intimacy through the process of seeking one’s own interest at the expense of achieving relational connectedness. Selfish ambition also works to relieve obligation to relational loyalties, while fostering independence from any real bond to the relationship. Relational independence is an unhealthy condition whereby self-centeredness is heightened sponsoring self-absorption as well as vain conceit. The ideal of giving to another has been replaced by the idea of gaining for oneself.

God created mankind to live within a divine matrix where all relationships would be mediated by a primary connection with Himself that would lord preeminently over all other relationships. Therefore all intimacy must work through a relational hierarchy whereby Jesus is the central focus. Intimacy with Christ meets all essential needs producing completion and balance within the soul setting into motion by means of homeostasis, a congruent condition within one’s soul, brain, and body. This way the entire individual is brought into balance through their spiritual condition. This is the very reason Solomon could make the link between one’s trust in God and their subsequent physical health.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all you ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. (Prov. 3:5–8 ESV)

My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh. Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. (Prov. 4:20–23 ESV)

Intimacy with Christ addresses the issues of the heart validated by God’s love whereby the Christian’s identity is made complete. It is then established that we are lovable, significant, and secure. This God-centered identity leads to fulfillment in Jesus that tempers all our motives and predisposes all other relationships to a holy balance. Relational equilibrium between God and all else is made possible with Christ having created within our souls a proper perspective on the priority that should be given to relationships within our lives, and the preeminence that needs to be given to God.

We are given wisdom and spiritual understanding by the Holy Spirit as we are brought to know God’s heart, mind, and will. The Spirit of God shows us how we are to live among people while finding Christ relevant to every area of our lives, as opposed to exploiting people, positions, and possessions. Jesus is made relevant to intimacy when we establish who and what we are based on our identity solidified in Christ’s truth, which in turn brings us to encounter oneness with Him.

Insight Journal
I reflect Christ’s intimacy with me when I …

What Is Authentic Love?

November 14, 2011 we published a blog post that touted the issue of counterfeit love. We wish now to elaborate that Christ is relevant to real authentic love, even essential to experiencing genuine love. In Desperate Dependency we assert, “apart from God, the human heart has no capacity for love.” Such an assertion is often met with offense that one's self-efficacy is violated.

The flesh flatters and comforts itself with thinking that it loves even amid obvious mistreatment of those we allege to love. Invariably there is some rhyme and reason to why continuous neglect, abuse, or rudeness can be fashioned into poetic stanza while offering in refrain a commitment to undying love. Others believe that the concept of Christ’s centrality to love is untrue having encountered no Christians who they deemed to be love-worthy. Either accounting, more often than not, elicits strong disconcerting emotions. What is still profound within such debate however is that the assertion, nonetheless diminished by the opposition, looms as truth.

You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect [i.e. mature in God’s love], even as your Father in heaven is perfect [in respect to the expression of His love]. Matt. 5:44–48 NLT

Many are insistent that one can love in a godly fashion without God. They are willing to assert human logic over divine wisdom, calling the veracity of God's principles into question as they ignore confronting the whole idea. Others skirt the issue with, "Well, we do not have to love like God to still love appropriately!" Here it is postulated that loving in a healthy manner is something altogether different than loving in a godly manner. Therefore one allows the latitude to choose between two plausible options, pacifying any guilt for having deprived their loved ones of God’s love. They instead feel justified for having given to them this most visceral version of the spiritual nutrient, hence believing they can love in a quality life giving way without loving as God loves.

Humanity continuously is on a quest to usurp God’s power. People risk all to find the Holy Grail, the Fountain of Youth, and the Ark of the Covenant in order to possess the power and benefits of God apart from submitting their lives to Him. Even now psychology seeks to mine for God’s truth from His Word at the exclusion of Christ Himself. Humanity would storm the gates of Heaven to take from God for themselves if they were able to do so. The Garden of Eden and the Tower of Babel offer ample proof that this depiction of the human nature is true.

Love has been seized, interrogated, and exploited for every visage of grace that can be extracted by carnal effort. In that love is treated in such an unloving manner speaks further to the issue that “apart from God, the human heart has no capacity for love.” Rather, such love possesses only a capital desire to steal, kill, and to destroy in like manner as does the mentor of fleshly deeds.

Furthermore, love is seen as the potion of life and is sought with great craft in anticipation of distilling for self that which would provide a living tonic for a dying soul, therefore undermining the concept of love’s sacrificial nature where it gives at its own expense, expecting nothing in return, for the best interest of the other. These musings emphasize the polar agenda that exists in the heart of man versus what exists in the heart of God concerning love.

There are times where both man and God were said to love with phileo type love (seven times collectively in the New Testament between John and Paul – not counting John 21). What is of great significance is the fact that nowhere in the New Testament is there a non-believer being expected to have loved with agapao type love. Agapao love is only shared by those who belong to God and is the exclusive kind of love referred to in John’s first epistle.

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 1 John 4:7–11 NLT

A survey of the New Testament would verify that agapao love was used expressively over phileo 143 times over 8 times to delimit the heart and activity of God, of Jesus, and of His children. When defining the type of love a Christian was to exemplify, agapao love was used to set the standard (see 1 Cor. 13:1–8).

While it is taught that phileo and agapao are closely related and therefore used interchangeably, the preponderance of usage within the New Testament works to set them apart. John and also Paul on two occasions use phileo with godly reference, yet only then in a limited capacity to show status of association, associations such as exist between the Father, His Son, and between the professing believer and God. Phileo serves to show the highest order of human love, while agapao serves to show the highest order of God’s love. On the occasion when it was important for Christ to express, using human terms, the great love the Father had for the Son, phileo was employed.

However, in context where God’s heart was expressed concerning the issue of love and when the concept of God’s love was set forth, exemplified, or commanded agapao was used to type the divine intention of God and the uniqueness of agapao love from the love of the human sort. It is not without any small interest that even phileo is seen in the New Testament with godly resolve, only when the human heart was involved with God. All other occurrences were man engaged in a loving association with himself or some other sinful pursuit. Therefore phileo was not an exclusively godly love association as is true of agapao love. In addition phileo had to do with love involving intimate associations that may be godly or not, while agapao was always found to be in active service to God’s heart and sacrifice for His purpose seeking the best interest of another.

Left to our own devices, we offer only a counterfeit version of love laden with self-interest as a means to secure our self-centered pleasures. We strive to attain value and worth through people, positions, and possessions, believing we can find fulfillment apart from Christ. This illicit love masquerades in forms that may look noble, but the chief concern is how something will impact self. The ideal of giving to another has been replaced by the idea of gaining for oneself.

We will evidence the fruit of love when we resign from the self-centeredness that culminates in emptiness and then allow the Holy Spirit to enable us to value others. That which is profoundly of God can only be received from God. No amount of human virtue can create what is foreign to his existence. What is rather notable is that whenever humanity attempts to assert self in virtue, it is soon revealed in vice.

Insight Journal
Do I believe that apart from God the human heart has no capacity for love?
I know I am evidencing God’s love because…

(excerpts included from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)