Healthy Grief

CONSIDER
As we adjust and reorganize our lives based on a loss, there are two avenues we may take. We may fall into toxic grief, or we may choose healthy grief. Healthy grief views loss from the perspective of God’s truths. A previously toxic scenario can result in praise and earnest expectation: “I lost my job because I stood for what is right; God promises He will supply my every need (Phil. 4:19); God declares He will never leave me or forsake me (Heb. 13:5); He knows the plans He has for me (Jer. 29:11); I can trust God (Ps. 28:7).”

BIBLE TRUTH

The LORD is my strength and shield.
      I trust him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
      I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. (Ps. 28:7 NLT)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
Grief issues span the spectrum of what might be considered insignificant to some through extreme crisis situations. It is the essence of grief to coexist with what we cannot control, and it is essential that we are content in Christ while coexisting with what we can’t control. The intensity of the grief often reveals the value an individual has placed on a person, position, or possession. In the resolution of grief it is imperative to recognize Christ as relevant to every situation we encounter. “How does God expect me to adjust my life based on this loss and remembering His love, care, and trustworthiness?”

PRAYER
Lord, You know the plans You have for me. I choose to trust You that they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give me a future and a hope. . . . (Jer. 29:11 NLT)


(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

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Toxic Grief

CONSIDER
Perhaps you must accept that your expectation will not be met. Grief may result. Grieving is the process of adjusting your life because something is lost. As we adjust and reorganize our lives based on a loss, we may fall into toxic grief. Toxic grief results when we adjust our lives based on lies. Our choices are poisoned by the deception we accept as truth.

BIBLE TRUTH

“Blessed are you who hunger now,
      for you will be satisfied.
      Blessed are you who weep now,
      for you will laugh.” (Luke 6:21 NIV)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
The downward spiral of toxic grief may resemble this scenario: “I lost my job; I have no way to support my family; I am worthless; we won’t have any food; our house will go into foreclosure; we will be on the streets at Christmastime; my life is over.”

PRAYER
God, I know you do not want me to be sad like other people who have no hope. I know You bless those who mourn. Please comfort me. . . . (1 Thess. 4:13, Matt. 5:4)


(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

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Sacrifice Expectations

CONSIDER
Since you are not God, you do not have a right to have all your expectations met. Can you accept that? Unfortunately, this is the point where we often get stuck. We maintain our anger and live in bitterness for hours, days, months, and even years because our expectation was not realized. The only recourse to resolve the anger and bitterness is to ask for forgiveness and forgive the debt.

BIBLE TRUTH

The Lord always keeps his promises;
      he is gracious in all he does.
The Lord helps the fallen
      and lifts those bent beneath their loads.
The eyes of all look to you in hope;
      you give them their food as they need it.
When you open your hand,
      you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in everything he does;
      he is filled with kindness. (Ps. 145:13–17 NLT)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
The International Children’s Bible translates Psalm 4:4–5, “When you are angry, do not sin. Think about these things quietly as you go to bed. Do what is right as a sacrifice to the Lord. And trust the Lord.” Too often I find it is not easy to think about the things I am angry about quietly as I go to bed. In my muttering and sputtering I am reminded that I must do what is right. Doing what is right requires me to offer up everything to the Lord as a sacrifice. It cannot be mine any longer. I must give all my rights and expectations to Him. How in the world can I do that? I must trust the Lord. At the end of the day all outcomes are His responsibility. Can I trust Him? Will you trust Him?

PRAYER
Lord, I do not want to sin when I am angry. Instead I want to think about these things quietly as I go to bed. Please help me to do what is right as a sacrifice to You. I trust You, Lord. . . . (Ps. 4:4–5)


(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

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You Owe Me

CONSIDER
Apart from God we have no rights. Apart from His way we can have no peace. In our own strength, life will never be what we want. We are incapable without Him. Therefore with repentant hearts, we must submit ourselves to His plan and allow Him to direct every path.

BIBLE TRUTH

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. (Prov. 3:5–6 NKJV)

HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME?
As a result of believing someone has not measured up to our expectations, we are convinced that they owe us something. This is where our anger can become sinful, because God is the only one who has a right to anything. They do not owe us; they owe God. If we are merely expecting to have our selfish ambitions satisfied, we are sinful. With repentant hearts we must say, “I am sorry I expected you to __________. Will you please forgive me for being unrealistic and inappropriate in my expectation?”

PRAYER
Lord, You are merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are good to everyone. You shower compassion on all Your creation. All of your works will thank You, Lord and Your faithful followers will praise You. I thank You and I praise You. . . . (Ps. 145:8–10)


(excerpts from Desperate Dependency by J. Kirk & Melanie D. Lewis)

If you would like to receive our blog posts via email, simply submit your email address in the box on the left. They will make you verify your request by jumping through a few hoops, but that is for your safety!

We would love for you to POST A COMMENT about the insights you have received on your journey toward desperate dependency.